Dancing the Night Away!
This is quite a long post, so I want to thank you in advance for reading it through to the end. There is “stuff” I need to say “out loud” as it were, which helps me to realize that I’m OK and still functioning. So here goes.
It sounds strange to say this, but it’s true… my life is so different now, that sometimes I wonder who I am and what I’m doing! Sometimes a good thing happens and your world changes. Other times, something bad happens and your world changes in ways you couldn’t imagine. As most of you know, my world changed when my husband Alex died.
One day I had a life that was pretty darn good. And, the best part was that I knew it, never took it for granted, and thoroughly enjoyed getting up in the morning, wondering what this new day would bring.
Then, BANG, everything changed in an instant, and to be honest, I really didn’t know which end was up. What’s one to do when that happens?
As far as I was concerned, the only thing I could do, was to soldier on. The alternative being – to give up and just go through the motions of living. That’s not my style.
Therefore, the past three years have been a fascinating experience for me. For a woman like me who, knows what she wants, and goes about getting it, I felt like I was adrift in a boat on the ocean, and I had no control over what would happen to me.
Having had the actual experience of being in a boat, on the ocean, with a broken rudder (the boat could only go in reverse!). It was one of those experiences I would never forget, and my hope was never to repeat. I truly felt rudderless! 😊
To fully understand what I’m talking about… just imagine you’re in your car, and the only gear available is reverse. My guess is that most of you would find it difficult to imagine. So, there I am feeling rudderless.
However, fate is interesting! Once I fully realized just how much my life had changed, I had to make a conscious decision as to how to proceed. Only this time I didn’t have Alex around to help me deal with it!
So, I told myself, “Just get on with the business of living!” For about the first two years I muddled through. I honestly don’t know what I did, or how I did it. I do know that I’m very fortunate because I have great friends. Mike and Sue sort of “adopted” me, and I can call on them any time I need help and/or friendship. They are there for me… in spades!
And there’s my friend Tamara. If there’s such a thing as a “soul” sister, she’s mine! I know that if I didn’t have Tamara to talk to, to help me figure out “stuff” and just be there to listen to me babble on, I would have given up, and thrown in the towel. I am truly blessed to have these friends, as well as other I haven’t mentioned here because it would make for a long list.
By now you’re probably wondering where I’m going with all this babbling… I’m not quite sure myself! However, I do know that I’m starting to feel different, in a very good way. I feel like “Berit” is back! She has rejoined the land of the living. And the best part is I’m beginning to have a lot of fun. I now know, down to my little cotton socks, that I will be OK.
I’d like to relate an incident that happened to me just recently that hopefully explains how different I had become. I’m going to be better than OK because in many ways, I’m having the time of my life… now!
For example… I was invited to a block party. The only person I knew there was the man I have been seeing (he organized the party). How did I feel about going? The word TERRIFIED is an apt description! What I was afraid of, I have no idea. I am pleased to say that I never once thought of not going!
I spent the day in a very leisurely way… doing nothing too strenuous, either physically or mentally. However, there was a constant phrase running through my mind… “I’m going to be alright. I can leave if I’m not comfortable. What’s there to be afraid of?” Etc., etc.
As I pulled into the complex, not knowing where I should go, with tons of people milling about, I saw PG, my date. I really appreciated the fact that he had been on the lookout for me! He was waving at me to follow him. He led me to a parking spot. Now, all I had to do was get out of the car.
“Simple” you may be saying. But, you’d be wrong! I hadn’t been to a gathering with tons of people, of which I only knew one person, in many years!
I parked the car, and literally had to force myself to get out! PG grabbed me by the hand and led me over to a spot near the dancing area and brought me a glass of wine.
Then I tuned into the fact there was a live band! They were very good! Not too many people were dancing yet, but there was one woman that was dancing by herself, and she looked so happy and free. I watched for a bit, then the little voice in my head said, “Go for it!” Which I did!
I’ve never actually danced with a woman! But I didn’t care. She welcomed me with a big smile, and we proceeded to dance (just the two of us) in front of everyone!
The amazing thing to me was how I felt. Totally at peace with myself, smiling, laughing, moving in tune with her, and just having fun! I also felt totally liberated, almost as if I could do anything. I was having fun! It had been sooo long since I’d experienced those feelings, I thought I might actually cry… but I didn’t… thank heaven!
Then, after a bit of time, others joined in. I noticed PG dancing with someone, and thought to myself, “He’s pretty good. The man has rythm. Mmm, he really is one delightful package.” Hey, if men can talk like that, so can women. 😊
The rest of the evening flew by. There was delicious food to eat, more dancing… including PG and I dancing some more, and before I knew it, it was 11:00 pm! The party was winding down and it was time to go home. I literally flew home in my car, feeling amazing!
It was then that I realized… I need to get out of the house more often! 😊
Seriously, that evening was the beginning of me re-joining the human race.
I’ve written about my experience that night because it was so profound for me. My hope is that some of you may feel inspired by what I did, and you will have the courage to get out of the house more often, too! 😊