"Should Have"

Let’s see, it’s been four weeks (today) since I roared out of TK’s driveway and left him eating dust.  I believe it was appropriate for me to do that because he had kept me waiting for an hour and a half!  And, he had not let me know he was going to be late.  Of course, he didn’t think he’d done anything wrong.  After all, it was a business meeting.

As I explained to him, I don’t give a rat’s ass what kind of meeting it was.  The bottom line… he shouldn’t have been 1 ½ hours late, and not let me know! 

If any of you think I was being unreasonable, I’d like to suggest you put yourself in my shoes.

Then check in with yourself and see how you feel?  I was not only angry, I was also worried sick!  I had visions of his vehicle totally crushed, and him inside it with blood all over his head!  I’m highly visual so the red blood was just a titch overwhelming.

With hindsight I’ve come to realize that it wasn’t just the fact that he was late and didn’t call to let me know… there were other issues (about TK) that bothered me.  In fact, I had been questioning a number of things about him, and had ignored them, or talked myself out of feeling the way I was feeling.  Note to Self:  Do not do that again and pay attention to any misgivings you may have.

Being a “solution oriented” person, I have spent some time trying to figure out how I let myself ignore “stuff” when my gut was telling me that things weren’t how they could be.  I seemed to be hell bent on ignoring everything I was telling myself.  What I did that for, I have no idea!  

Well, maybe I have an inkling… if you read some of my previous posts (re TK and myself) you’ll know what I’m talking about!  I do have the memories of some decidedly delicious times with the man and those are the memories I will remember... they were fun. 😊

Back to some important stuff.  One thing (that annoyed the heck out of me while I was with TK) was I remember hearing a great many “should haves” zinging around in my head, especially when I was waiting for TK to come home from his meeting.  For example:

·         I should have waited as long as it was necessary, and NOT been totally pissed at him. 

·         I should have accepted his explanation even if I thought it was rude and thoughtless.

·         I should have been more understanding.

·         I should have been calm when he finally arrived home… then ripped his face off.  Sorry, I couldn’t resist adding “ripped his face off!” 😊

·         I should have greeted him with a huge hug… THEN ripped his face off… there I go again!

I’m sure you’ve all noted that I was spending a lot of time in “Should Have” Land, and that’s certainly not a good place to go, or to be in!  I would imagine that a lot of you reading this would say, “Been there, done that, got the t-shirt!”  I have a suggestion to make… how about we all stop doing that! 😊

Upon reflection, and reading what I’ve just written above, I know for a fact we both could have done, and said, things differently.  I can accept that.  I’ll just call it another one of life’s lessons.  That chapter of my life is now done and dusted.  As it should be. 

Now, I’m registered on the dating site, and it’s time to see what’s on offer!  😊